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Love and Respect

Practical Application for Husbands & Wives

For the past couple of week’s we’ve learn that women receive love by the acronym COUPLE (Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty & Esteem).  At the same time men feel respected by the acronym CHAIRS (Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, Sexuality).

While it’s nice to have the insight, there was something I appreciated a little more about last week where the Eggerich’s took these acronym and placed some very practical application behind them.  So, what does respecting my husband’s need for Insight really look like?  What does respecting my wife’s need for Esteem look like?  You’re about to find out… I don’t know about you, but sometimes I appreciate someone just telling me straight up what will work and what won’t work.

Guys – Here are some practical ways to show love to your wife.

Ways to show closeness – hold hands, give hugs, give a little lovin’ without expecting sex.  (Hey…I’m just repeating what they said!)

Ways to show openness – share your feelings, speak about your day, avoid the grunting and long sighs when communicating.

Ways to show you understand – Listen and know when to give advice and when to not solve problems, repeat what she says and show her your appreciation.

Ways to encourage that feeling of peace – say “sorry” when you need to, pray with eachother.

Ways to show loyalty – Don’t look at other women, talk about your wife positively in front of family and friends, never bring up the “D” word.

Ways to hold her in high esteem – verbally support her in front of the kids, praise her for the work she does, and value her opinions even if they are different from yours.

Ladies – Here are some practical ways for you to show respect to your husbands.

Ways to appreciate his need for conquest – a simple “thanks” for going to work everyday, be his biggest cheerleader in whatever he does, ask him to talk about his dreams.

Ways to appreciate his position of hierarchy – saying things like “I really do look up to you for feeling responsible for me.”  “I’m deeply touched by the thought you’d die for me.”

Ways to appreciate his authority – show him by praising him for his good decisions…a simple “That was a really good idea you had about…”  Honor his authority in front of the kids.

Ways to appreciate his insight – Thank him for his advice, let him fix things (as men are solution oriented), tell him up front if all you want is someone to listen and not fix.

Ways to value his need for relationship – Tell him you like him, do things with him, encourage alone time.

Ways to value his need for sexuality – initiate, respond more often, and let him know that his need for sexuality is good…in fact…great!

In class we took this list and had a face to face with our spouse and shared the 1 or 2 things that we could work on to either show love or show respect.   Notice I said 1 or 2…not 10 or 12.  Let’s keep it simple to start:)  If you’ve missed last week I encourage you to do the same.  We’ll see you Wednesday where we’ll begin The Reward Cycle.

Use the leave a comment section at the top of this post to share your thoughts.

If you’d like to join this study in real time…Jody (my beautiful wife) and I are teaching it at HopePark Wednesday Nights. If you’re a Nashville local, the door is always open. We’re at 8001 Hwy. 70 South, just off I-40. Online at http://hopepark.com and on twitter @hopepark.Me…well you can find me twittering @bill_todd and you can find Jody twittering @jodytodd and her blog at http://unraveled1207.wordpress.com.

Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!


Questions and assigned quotes from the study by Dr. Emerson Eggerich entitled “Love & Respect Video Conference.”


About Bill Todd

Bill Todd is a spiritual director and speaker living in Franklin TN. He is patiently loved by Jody Todd, and their children Kaleigh, Hannah, and Liam.


One thought on “Practical Application for Husbands & Wives

  1. Good advice my friend. Although if it was a job application I would probably not get hired.

    Posted by Joseph | March 23, 2010, 8:53 am

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