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Love and Respect

The Energizing Cycle for Women

I hope you’re enjoying your Spring Break.  We’ve just finished up week 4 of our Love & Respect study and here’s a quick recap.  Last week we focused on what the men could do differently to begin to understand and love their wives.  This week we learned what the women could do differently to understand and respect their husbands.

Again, The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need.

What spells respect to a husband?

To illustrate this point, Dr. Eggerich used the word “CHAIR” an acronym.

C – Conquest. A husband derives a sense of satisfaction and significance from work and achievement.  Sometimes all a wife has to do to show her husband respect is to simply say “Thank you for providing.”

H – Hierarchy. Men see themselves in terms of ranking.  “Headship” of the household is a responsibility, not a right.  What this point showed me is that husbands take this step very seriously.  It’s not about wielding power…it’s about assuming that role of authority.  A wife can show a lot of respect by appreciating his desire to protect and provide.

A – Authority. Another way a wife can show that she respects her husband is to understand his desire to be strong and to lead.  As a husband has responsibility, he also needs the authority to make decisions.  It’s patently unfair to place on him all the responsibility and not give him the authority to take action.  They key is to find the balance.

I – Insight. Men tend to be solution oriented.  A great way for a wife to show respect is to appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.  Value his input and what he can bring to the table.

R – Relationship. Appreciate his desire for a shoulder to shoulder friendship.  He wants to be a friend and a lover to his wife.  He wants to have that ultimate companionship…words not necessary…especially in the car.  Just wanting to be near and share life experiences with him is a great showing of respect.

S – Sexuality. Understand and appreciate his desire to sexual intimacy.  Men are visually oriented.  He has a need for sexual release in the same way women need emotional release.

When wives refuse to respect her husband’s desires it looks a little like this:

C:  unsupportive of his endeavors

H:  belittling of his abilities

A:  undermining his decisions

I:  resistant to his counsel

R:  unfriendly

S:  disinterested in physical intimacy

Let’s not let it get to this point before changes are made.

A few final questions for the Husbands:

  • Am I willing even more willing to be a good manager of my household?
  • When my wife seeks to be next to me without talking, will I tell her I appreciate that?

A few final questions for the Wives:

  • Am I willing to go on record with my husband that he has 51% of the authority because he has 51% of the responsibility?
  • I will be more responsive to my husband’s male needs related to CHAIRS as I expect him to be responsive to my female needs related to COUPLE?
  • I will try to be my husband’s friend this week by just being friendlier toward him in the little things?

Use the leave a comment section at the top of this post to share your thoughts.

We’ll see you again on Wednesday as we finally hear from Sarah Eggerich and delve into the practical ways to love (C.O.U.P.L.E.) and practical ways to respect (C.H.A.I.R.).

If you’d like to join this study in real time…Jody (my beautiful wife) and I are teaching it at HopePark Wednesday Nights. If you’re a Nashville local, the door is always open. We’re at 8001 Hwy. 70 South, just off I-40. Online at http://hopepark.com and on twitter @hopepark.Me…well you can find me twittering @bill_todd and you can find Jody twittering @jodytodd and her blog at http://unraveled1207.wordpress.com.

Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!


Questions and assigned quotes from the study by Dr. Emerson Eggerich entitled “Love & Respect Video Conference.”


About Bill Todd

Bill Todd is a spiritual director and speaker living in Franklin TN. He is patiently loved by Jody Todd, and their children Kaleigh, Hannah, and Liam.


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