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Love and Respect

The Energizing Cycle for Men

Can you believe it.  We’re already in week 3 of our Love & Respect study.  Here again is a quick recap of everything we’ve seen in our video segments as well as include some of the discussion from our small group time.

We are trying to decode the craziness that creeps into our relationships.

This week the Energizing Cycle focused on the men, but next week we’ll focus on the woman’s part.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need.

We looked at how men can begin to see through pink sunglasses and loving the women in their life for who she is in God’s image.  Through our class the phrase that kept repeating in my head was “Not wrong, just different.  Dr. Eggerich used the illustration of making deposits and withdrawals in your relationship.  The good times are the “deposits” and the arguments are the “withdrawals.”  They key is to have a healthy combination of both.  It’s unrealistic to assume you’re only going to have good times, just as it is unrealistic to assume you’re never going to have an argument.  They healthiest of relationships are those that have a good combination of both.

What spells love to a wife?

To illustrate this point, Dr. Eggerich used the word “COUPLE” an acronym.

C – Closeness. A wife feels loved when a husband is close.  She wants to be with her husband face to face.

O – Openness. When a husband isn’t secretly mad at her.  A wife feels very unloved when her husband appears mad at her, closes her out and refuses to open up.  The message that is sent is “I’m angrily stonewalling to teach you to treat me more respectfully,” and that message rarely gets through.  Instead she feels unloved and misses the signal that her husband is trying to send.

U – Understanding. When a husband empathizes with her.  Like a teapot that comes to a boiling point, a wife can experience an emotional overload and need to ventilate to someone who empathizes.  Solutions not required:)

P – Peacemaking. When a husband resolves and reconciles with her.  “Will you forgive me” are powerful words.  Over the course of a marriage after conflict imagine the benefits of each owning up to their guilt by saying “That felt unloving…will you forgive me?”

L – Loyalty. When a husband is completely committed to her.   When a wife asks “Do you love me?” what she is asking for is reassurance, not information.  

E – Esteem. When a husband treasures her above all others.  We talked about how women have a different point system than husbands when it comes to this point.  What may seem like an insignificant action could be a very big deal to the wife.

A few final questions for the Husbands:

  • Am I willing to act more loving by being close face to face?
  • Will I ask my wife “Do you need a solution or a listening ear?”
  • Will I reassure my wife that I am committed to her, and will stop hurtful teasing?

A few final questions for the Wives:

  • Am I willing to accept my husband’s actions at face value.  For instance, when my husband acts more loving by being closer, I am not going to say “You are just doing that to look good in front of other people”
  • Am I willing to be more forgiving of my husband by realizing that when he wants to “drop it” that this can be an honorable request.
  • Am I willing to be more confident in my relationship with my husband.  For instance, I will not say to my husband “I know you want to divorce me” as a way of getting him to reassure me that he loves me.

Use the leave a comment section at the top of this post to share your thoughts.

We’ll see you again on Wednesday to dig into the Energizing Cycle for Women.  Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!

If you’d like to join this study in real time…Jody (my beautiful wife) and I are teaching it at HopePark Wednesday Nights. If you’re a Nashville local, the door is always open. We’re at 8001 Hwy. 70 South, just off I-40. Online at http://hopepark.com and on twitter @hopepark.Me…well you can find me twittering @bill_todd and you can find Jody twittering @jodytodd and her blog at http://unraveled1207.wordpress.com.

Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!

Bill

Questions and assigned quotes from the study by Dr. Emerson Eggerich entitled “Love & Respect Video Conference.”

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About Bill Todd

Bill Todd is a spiritual director and speaker living in Franklin TN. He is patiently loved by Jody Todd, and their children Kaleigh, Hannah, and Liam.

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