Decoding The Crazy Cycle

Welcome to week two of our Love & Respect study.  Our intent here is to give you a quick recap of everything we’ve seen in our video segments as well as include some of the discussion from our small group time.

We are trying to decode the craziness that creeps into our relationships.

Enjoy a fun look from last week’s video and how Dr. Eggerich describes this Crazy cycle at this link: One of the elements that keep the crazy cycle spinning is the messages that we send to each other “in code” (i.e. what they say is not what they really mean.)  Often these coded messages are simply little lies that we tell to cover what we really need.

According to World Net Daily News, surveys show the average person tells four lies a day, or 1,460 a year for a total of 88,000 by the age of 60.

The most common lie is: “I’m fine.”

What are the coded messages that you and your spouse exchange?

What would happen if you told the truth?

We also talked about the importance of giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt.  It seems that whenever we choose to “fill in the blanks” of  a situation, we always do it wrong and poorly.  It’s far too easy to instantly take up offense, or confuse feelings with facts, particularly in the heat of the moment.

We need to ask ourselves a couple of questions:

Am I willing to assume that my spouse is not trying to upset me, but is instead looking at this through different colored (pink or blue) lenses?

Are we willing to search out the facts first, instead of the feelings first?

Will we humbly say “That felt unloving/respectful” so my spouse can know my deepest feelings?

Will we dare to ask, “Will you forgive me?”

The appropriate question that came up a this point was “how can I love or respect something that is wrong, or even flat out sinful?”

Consider this; imagine saying to your spouse “There is nothing you can do to get me to stop loving/respecting the person God sees in you and I see in you. But I love/respect you too much to let you continually give in to this sin.”  What do you think would happen?

So who needs to move first?  Are we right in demanding that the other person change before we budge?

The one who sees himself as the most mature moves first.

A few final questions:

Will you give up your demand that your spouse move first?  Will you instead try to move first, and be positive about it, not a martyr?

Will you try to control your words, and not be so quick to blame, which never works?

Use the “leave a comment” section at the top of this post to share your thoughts.

Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!

If you’d like to join this study in real time…Jody (my beautiful wife) and I are teaching it at HopePark Wednesday Nights. If you’re a Nashville local, the door is always open. We’re at 8001 Hwy. 70 South, just off I-40. Online at http://hopepark.com and on twitter @hopepark.Me…well you can find me twittering @bill_todd and you can find Jody twittering @jodytodd and her blog at http://unraveled1207.wordpress.com.

Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!

Bill

Questions and assigned quotes from the study by Dr. Emerson Eggerich entitled “Love & Respect Video Conference.”