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Love and Respect

The Crazy Cycle Begins

Welcome to week one of our Love & Respect study.  Our intent here is to give you a quick recap of everything we’ve seen in our video segments as well as include some of the discussion from our small group time.

As we all know as married couples, communication is difficult.  Sure we have those good moments, but just about the time you think you have it made…whap!  Communication breaks down and the walls go up.  I only know because I’m speaking from experience.

We are trying to decode the craziness that creeps into our relationships.

This week in our video Emerson Eggerich led us on a hilarious journey on how women and men just communication differently.  He helped us see that women see through pink glasses, hear with pink hearing aids and speak through a pink megaphone and men see through blue sunglasses, hear with blue hearing aids and speak through a blue megaphone.  While we may be hearing exactly the same words in a sentence…the meaning behind those words is very different.  There were several great discussions that happened in our small groups to point out just how true this is.

A key phrase to incorporate into our discussions is “Not wrong, just different.”

The man blue emotions and a woman’s pink emotions are directly tied to feeling loved and/or respected.  Without the presence of love and respect, both the man and the woman will withdraw.  That’s when the crazy cycle begins…Jody doesn’t feel not loved, so she says mean things….I don’t feel respected….I don’t feel like showing Jody love…Jody feels unloved…Jody doesn’t make things easy for me…I feel isolated…I don’t say nice things…

See how the crazy cycle gets started and it’s very difficult to get stopped…but not impossible.

Emerson at one point in the video used an airhose analogy to represent this point.  To not give love or respect is to stand on the other person’s airhose, and thereby cutoff the essential thing  that they need to live and embrace each other fully.  When you see the spirit of your spouse deflate, you are probably standing on their airhose.  This is when you may begin to realize that the “issue” on the table isn’t the real issue.

Without love and respect, the crazy cycle begins spinning.

Key verse in our time this week was Ephesians 5:33

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Here are some additional questions to ponder based on this week’s study.

  1. Can we assume that our spouse is not trying to upset us, but is instead looking through different colored (pink or blue) lenses?  Why or why not?
  2. What would change is we looked at our spouses negative reaction as  cry for our love or respect?
  3. What are some of the things you have done this week to “stay off your spouse’s air hose” by reacting in more loving and respectful ways?

Use the comment section below to share your thoughts.

If you’d like to join this study in real time…Jody (my beautiful wife) and I are teaching it at HopePark Wednesday Nights. If you’re a Nashville local, the door is always open. We’re at 8001 Hwy. 70 South, just off I-40. Online at http://hopepark.com and on twitter @hopepark.

Me…well you can find me twittering @bill_todd and you can find Jody twittering @jodytodd and her blog at http://unraveled1207.wordpress.com.

Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!


Questions and assigned quotes from the study by Dr. Emerson Eggerich entitled “Love & Respect Video Conference.”


About Bill Todd

Bill Todd is a spiritual director and speaker living in Franklin TN. He is patiently loved by Jody Todd, and their children Kaleigh, Hannah, and Liam.


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